I'm back from my graduation trip to Bali-Jakarta!
In possibly one of my more emo thoughts during the trip, I was contemplating about impression management yet again. This is possibly the umpteenth time that this has crossed my mind. Why do I try to portray to people an impression that I clearly think is a misrepresentation of myself?
I am quiet 'most' times because I am merely reverting to my normal. I talk cock because I often see silence as something uncomfortable. I know that very often I lack tack and it hurts people more often than I realize. I know that people seldom take me seriously (which is actually a bigger problem for me these days).
We go through different phases of life. This grad trip has taught me that I'm coming to the end of a wonderful phase of university life and embarking on a new one. The impression management that I think has served me fairly well these 4 years needs to evolve too.
What should I 'become'? How should I allow myself to be viewed by the world this time?
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Are we who we think we are?
Shutter Island is psychological thriller telling the story of a world seen through the eyes of a psychopath. For 2 hours, you follow the investigative actions of a US Marshall sent to an island prison facility to investigate the disappearance of one of the inmates. Clues were slowly revealed to uncover a huge conspiracy plot involving human experimentation on the inmates. And as the US Marshall confronted the perpetrator, it was revealed rather unsurprisingly that everything that transpired thus far were merely the delusions of a false reality created within the mind of the US Marshall. There was no conspiracy, no human experimentation and no missing inmates. All that remained was the cruel reality that a delusional man faces as his virtual reality crumbled. Realizing that the Marshall himself was psychological when he thought himself normal and rational. It must been excruciating indeed to watch the very fabric of your reality torn apart. Its like waking up to a whole new world.
Now movie aside, could you imagine your world, the nice shell of people, friends, relationships, family and career that you have so painstakingly built and maintained over the years to be nothing more than a fragment of your imagination. For a simpler analogy, think of it as taking the Red Pill from the Matrix and waking up to a brand new reality that you cannot even begin to fathom.
See, the human brain is indeed fascinating. We think of ourselves as evolved beings merely because of our perception of self-actualization. We are self aware. It enables us to think logically, see ourselves from a 3rd party perspective and rationalize. So what defines us and our world? How close is our world to reality? And when you think a little more, what really defines reality?
I would like to borrow another concept from the Matrix. Reality to us it seems is nothing more than what we can physically see, touch, hear, manipulate, sense, smell and feel. These are the tangibles. Perception (to me) forms the intangibles of reality. For instance, thinking that a girl looks very studious, your friend seems to be a reliable and your best friend will help you when you need it. But if this is reality, then our reality is really nothing more than a figment of our imagination. Our senses are nothing more than electrical signals for the brain to interpret and our perception by its very definition is an illusion that resides without us. But as we interact with our impressions and act upon them, aren't we creating our very own reality? That girl is overweight and she doesn't appear nice. I don't think I want to talk to her. That boy really looks dim witted, I'll remember not bring up thought provoking questions when I meet him. We create our own reality. And again, how far is it really from true reality?
Extending on the concept of reality, what makes me....well, me? Well many psychologists way smarter than I ever will be have come up with diagrams, frameworks, models to describe personalities, perceptions of personality and what defines you...etc. I'd like to simplify it (apologies to all the psychology students) into how I perceive myself, how others perceive me, how others perceive me that I don't know about, how I perceive myself that others don't know about and a side of me no one (not even myself) knows about. These 5 elements will probably make up you. See interestingly, to me a person is the sum of his cumulative interactions between himself and his perceived reality. But doesn't that mean that one defines himself based on the way he defines his reality? It could be. But it could also be the case where his reality defines him. Maybe in reality (the real one), both interact with each other simultaneously.
Mind fucked yet? No? Ok well lets continue because there is so much more to explore. Now since I already established that we are made up of both our perceptions of ourselves and people's perceptions of us, can we also create multiple realities? For instance, split personalities. What if we wanted to change ourselves. To 'switch modes'. To be different people in different circumstances. Lets say, to be the charismatic talker when socializing, to be the determined person when competing and to be the serious no nonsense person when working. What if you were not all that you WANTED to be. Could you create another you to accomplish all that you couldn't?. Someone who is perceived by everyone else to be something entirely different from the way you are now. In essence, can you build another better you? The rational for this comes from a saying that a leopard never changes its spots. We cannot really change ourselves no matter how much we wish for it. Creation of a persona is so much simpler. Now discussing about the creation of different personas seems to be straying off track. But the main idea is, if we could create different personas, who are we really? Is there even a real me anymore?
Now movie aside, could you imagine your world, the nice shell of people, friends, relationships, family and career that you have so painstakingly built and maintained over the years to be nothing more than a fragment of your imagination. For a simpler analogy, think of it as taking the Red Pill from the Matrix and waking up to a brand new reality that you cannot even begin to fathom.
See, the human brain is indeed fascinating. We think of ourselves as evolved beings merely because of our perception of self-actualization. We are self aware. It enables us to think logically, see ourselves from a 3rd party perspective and rationalize. So what defines us and our world? How close is our world to reality? And when you think a little more, what really defines reality?
I would like to borrow another concept from the Matrix. Reality to us it seems is nothing more than what we can physically see, touch, hear, manipulate, sense, smell and feel. These are the tangibles. Perception (to me) forms the intangibles of reality. For instance, thinking that a girl looks very studious, your friend seems to be a reliable and your best friend will help you when you need it. But if this is reality, then our reality is really nothing more than a figment of our imagination. Our senses are nothing more than electrical signals for the brain to interpret and our perception by its very definition is an illusion that resides without us. But as we interact with our impressions and act upon them, aren't we creating our very own reality? That girl is overweight and she doesn't appear nice. I don't think I want to talk to her. That boy really looks dim witted, I'll remember not bring up thought provoking questions when I meet him. We create our own reality. And again, how far is it really from true reality?
Extending on the concept of reality, what makes me....well, me? Well many psychologists way smarter than I ever will be have come up with diagrams, frameworks, models to describe personalities, perceptions of personality and what defines you...etc. I'd like to simplify it (apologies to all the psychology students) into how I perceive myself, how others perceive me, how others perceive me that I don't know about, how I perceive myself that others don't know about and a side of me no one (not even myself) knows about. These 5 elements will probably make up you. See interestingly, to me a person is the sum of his cumulative interactions between himself and his perceived reality. But doesn't that mean that one defines himself based on the way he defines his reality? It could be. But it could also be the case where his reality defines him. Maybe in reality (the real one), both interact with each other simultaneously.
Mind fucked yet? No? Ok well lets continue because there is so much more to explore. Now since I already established that we are made up of both our perceptions of ourselves and people's perceptions of us, can we also create multiple realities? For instance, split personalities. What if we wanted to change ourselves. To 'switch modes'. To be different people in different circumstances. Lets say, to be the charismatic talker when socializing, to be the determined person when competing and to be the serious no nonsense person when working. What if you were not all that you WANTED to be. Could you create another you to accomplish all that you couldn't?. Someone who is perceived by everyone else to be something entirely different from the way you are now. In essence, can you build another better you? The rational for this comes from a saying that a leopard never changes its spots. We cannot really change ourselves no matter how much we wish for it. Creation of a persona is so much simpler. Now discussing about the creation of different personas seems to be straying off track. But the main idea is, if we could create different personas, who are we really? Is there even a real me anymore?
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Taking sportsmanship to the next level
2 posts in a day. I must really be on to something. I was reading the Straits Times today when I stumbled across this particular section that reported on a SAS boy who hit an ACS(I) student in a heated Rugby school match. In his defense, the SAS boy claimed that the ACS(I) boy taunted him and verbally abused his family members (implying that he deserved to hit him). The incident caused supporters of both sides to 'invade' the pitch.
While the general Singaporean opinion (according to the Straits Times) is one of disappointment and dismay for a lack of sportsmanship displayed by both sides, people were also generally appalled by the character and actions made by the SAS school kid. Since hitting the ACS(I) boy, he has been suspended from school pending further investigations on the matter.
Now I'm not sure how accurate the 'general opinion' is or who the Straits Times actually surveyed for their comments, but I sincerely think that we are awesome hypocrites. Yes. Singaporeans are hypocrites. We sprout lyrical about "sportsmanship, discipline, teamwork, in the spirit of the game" like we are gods gift to mankind. All one actually has to do is go down to any inter-school competition where the majority of parents are supporters (such as soccer, rugby, badminton, swimming) to see how seriously Singaporeans really take sportsmanship and "in the spirit of the game". In fact just the other day, Fajar Secondary School staged their very own Judo protest in a futile effort to reverse a judge's decision. And this is coming from a sport that places value on discipline and sportsmanship above everything else. Now I can go on and on and on but I'm sure you see my point by now.
However if we were to analyze the situation further and try and put 'blame' on one party (the ACS(I) boy who got hit or the SAS boy who hit him), who would it be? Allow me to draw analogies to the famous incident during the 2006 World Cup where Zinedine Zidane arguably the best soccer player of his generation headbutted Marco Materazzi for insulting his mother. Here was the best soccer player in the world with a reputation for being humble and cool headed (pun intended) losing it to some insult. Whose to blame?
Now it is extremely easy for people like us who are not in the 'thick' of things to criticize the actions of both Zidane and the poor SAS boy. But when you think about it, shouldn't blame fall to Materazzi and the ACS(I) boy for bringing the game into disrepute? People like them have only malice and harmful intent on their minds. They started the game with the sole objective of riling their opponents into doing something stupid. While it can argued from an opposing viewpoint that these people are the smart ones, has no one ever stopped to question where the values that every sportsman should uphold were? It is extremely disheartening to see sports hooligans (the likes of Andy Carroll and Joey Barton) get away with the things they do week after week. From what I have been reading and seeing, this trend seems to be on the up. And supporters of these games love every minute of the drama which further fuels these hooligans into thinking that what they do is acceptable. No it is NOT acceptable!
So please. If anyone is reading this, do me a favor. Spare a thought from the poor SAS boy. Think instead about the implications of the whole fiasco. While SAS player is set to face disciplinary actions, the ACS(I) boy is being lauded as a hero for making the win possible. Is this fair? Dig a little deeper. Had the poor SAS boy not retaliated with his fists and instead swallowed the abuse and taunts, what should he do about the mental anguish and pain he suffered? Should he not be compensated for it? Even if SAS won the match, the ACS(I) boy would have left the pitch being one up over the poor SAS boy in terms of mental. And would anyone besides the boy care about the abuse he suffered? What if it happened to you? Would you see the solution to the problem as taunting the ACS(I) boy back? Wouldn't that make you as LOW as the ACS(I) boy? Would you swallow your pride as a player? Would you suffer through all that abuse QUIETLY? Think about all this from the eyes of the SAS boy putting everything on the line in the name of his school and tell me. Did the ACS(I) boy deserved to be hit?
My answer is yes. He should be sodded so hard that the blood from his broken nose will send a strong (if violent) reminder to everyone that like karma you really do get what you deserve in the end.
While the general Singaporean opinion (according to the Straits Times) is one of disappointment and dismay for a lack of sportsmanship displayed by both sides, people were also generally appalled by the character and actions made by the SAS school kid. Since hitting the ACS(I) boy, he has been suspended from school pending further investigations on the matter.
Now I'm not sure how accurate the 'general opinion' is or who the Straits Times actually surveyed for their comments, but I sincerely think that we are awesome hypocrites. Yes. Singaporeans are hypocrites. We sprout lyrical about "sportsmanship, discipline, teamwork, in the spirit of the game" like we are gods gift to mankind. All one actually has to do is go down to any inter-school competition where the majority of parents are supporters (such as soccer, rugby, badminton, swimming) to see how seriously Singaporeans really take sportsmanship and "in the spirit of the game". In fact just the other day, Fajar Secondary School staged their very own Judo protest in a futile effort to reverse a judge's decision. And this is coming from a sport that places value on discipline and sportsmanship above everything else. Now I can go on and on and on but I'm sure you see my point by now.
However if we were to analyze the situation further and try and put 'blame' on one party (the ACS(I) boy who got hit or the SAS boy who hit him), who would it be? Allow me to draw analogies to the famous incident during the 2006 World Cup where Zinedine Zidane arguably the best soccer player of his generation headbutted Marco Materazzi for insulting his mother. Here was the best soccer player in the world with a reputation for being humble and cool headed (pun intended) losing it to some insult. Whose to blame?
Now it is extremely easy for people like us who are not in the 'thick' of things to criticize the actions of both Zidane and the poor SAS boy. But when you think about it, shouldn't blame fall to Materazzi and the ACS(I) boy for bringing the game into disrepute? People like them have only malice and harmful intent on their minds. They started the game with the sole objective of riling their opponents into doing something stupid. While it can argued from an opposing viewpoint that these people are the smart ones, has no one ever stopped to question where the values that every sportsman should uphold were? It is extremely disheartening to see sports hooligans (the likes of Andy Carroll and Joey Barton) get away with the things they do week after week. From what I have been reading and seeing, this trend seems to be on the up. And supporters of these games love every minute of the drama which further fuels these hooligans into thinking that what they do is acceptable. No it is NOT acceptable!
So please. If anyone is reading this, do me a favor. Spare a thought from the poor SAS boy. Think instead about the implications of the whole fiasco. While SAS player is set to face disciplinary actions, the ACS(I) boy is being lauded as a hero for making the win possible. Is this fair? Dig a little deeper. Had the poor SAS boy not retaliated with his fists and instead swallowed the abuse and taunts, what should he do about the mental anguish and pain he suffered? Should he not be compensated for it? Even if SAS won the match, the ACS(I) boy would have left the pitch being one up over the poor SAS boy in terms of mental. And would anyone besides the boy care about the abuse he suffered? What if it happened to you? Would you see the solution to the problem as taunting the ACS(I) boy back? Wouldn't that make you as LOW as the ACS(I) boy? Would you swallow your pride as a player? Would you suffer through all that abuse QUIETLY? Think about all this from the eyes of the SAS boy putting everything on the line in the name of his school and tell me. Did the ACS(I) boy deserved to be hit?
My answer is yes. He should be sodded so hard that the blood from his broken nose will send a strong (if violent) reminder to everyone that like karma you really do get what you deserve in the end.
Notting Hill
I have no idea why I would delete a show that occupied 4 Gb of space in my hard drive only to miss it days later and re-downloaded it all over again. Interesting part of the movie for me was when Anna (Julia Roberts) left William Tucker for her American Boyfriend and he started being match made by his 2 best friends (incidentally married). After yet another disastrous date, he remarked:
William Tucker "You see I think you [his best friends] have forgotten what an unusual situation you 2 have. Find someone you actually love who loves you. I mean the chances of that is always minuscule."
See this scene in itself represented many things to me.
1. About life: When we are young, we go for the feeling, the looks, the security. And when we can't find all that, we wait out. Simply because we think that there is someone better out there.
2. About dating: Incidentally many people think that graduating from school and going out to work is the best time to meet new people and date girls. However, the truth couldn't be further away. Unless your a socialite, leaving school actually cuts you off from your network of people from YOUR age group and dare I say 'education level'. At work, you find yourself surrounded by people of varying ages, maturities and even needs. If you couldn't find one in school, you think you can do better at the workplace? And I haven't and won't even begin talking about the complications of dating someone from your workplace.
So many people, busy professionals, resort to being introduced to new people by friends, family, relatives, social networking sites and the like. I wouldn't dare say that the majority of these will end well, but what are the odds?
3. About settling: Is there a difference between loving someone and settling for someone? My guess is that many people often do the latter.
I can go on and continue but I'm way too happy given that I've finished 4 of my 5 exams this semester:)
William Tucker "You see I think you [his best friends] have forgotten what an unusual situation you 2 have. Find someone you actually love who loves you. I mean the chances of that is always minuscule."
See this scene in itself represented many things to me.
1. About life: When we are young, we go for the feeling, the looks, the security. And when we can't find all that, we wait out. Simply because we think that there is someone better out there.
2. About dating: Incidentally many people think that graduating from school and going out to work is the best time to meet new people and date girls. However, the truth couldn't be further away. Unless your a socialite, leaving school actually cuts you off from your network of people from YOUR age group and dare I say 'education level'. At work, you find yourself surrounded by people of varying ages, maturities and even needs. If you couldn't find one in school, you think you can do better at the workplace? And I haven't and won't even begin talking about the complications of dating someone from your workplace.
So many people, busy professionals, resort to being introduced to new people by friends, family, relatives, social networking sites and the like. I wouldn't dare say that the majority of these will end well, but what are the odds?
3. About settling: Is there a difference between loving someone and settling for someone? My guess is that many people often do the latter.
I can go on and continue but I'm way too happy given that I've finished 4 of my 5 exams this semester:)
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
Sunday, April 04, 2010
English
I really enjoy listening to English. And not American English but British English. Especially love those British films. My 2 absolute favourite classics are Notting Hill and Love Actually. Notice how they all only have 2 words? Haha. Favourite English Actors!
Hugh Laurie
Hugh Grant
Colin Firth
Hugh Laurie
Hugh Grant
Colin Firth
Love Actually is all around
I was surprised by the number of people who wished me well on my Birthday. Well you see, I have always thought that I was pretty inconspicuous. Furthermore, if i wanted something, I'll be damned if I didn't have to take the initiative to make it happen. So I really truely appreciate all the effort of every single of my friends who made the effort to spend some time having dinner or something with me.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Finding peace
Its been a long 4 years in SMU but I'm nearing the end of the road. I did my final presentation today and I can't help but think back to the days when I was just a freshman doing my first presentation. How much did I change since then?
Speaking of change, I came to SMU to change. To challenge myself to be more outgoing. In my own way, to be a better man. Well, I learnt a few things since then. You cannot really change your inherent self. You can improve on an aspect of yourself but you don't really change. An introvert will sadly always be an introvert.
I used to hate myself for being well, myself. I always wanted to be one of the popular ones, to fit in, to adapt well, to feel like I belong. Its probably a security problem. When I was in a group, I might be quiet but I always wanted to be the one everyone wants to talk to. Isn't it strange? For all the things my friends say I already have, its the things you don't have that you really really yearn for.
And throughout our lives, we yearn and yearn for the things we will never have. That car we will never get to own. That house we cannot afford to live in. The cash we cannot afford to burn. And if somehow by some twist of fate, out hard work and diligence pays off and we manage to get the things we once yearned for. Then what? We yearn for more things. Because humans (or maybe just me) are greedy. The wanting never stops and the cycle continues.
So what happens when I cannot get the things I want? I'll feel miserable. I'll ask Why? Why am I not better? Why am I not more capable? Why am I so lousy at what I do? Why must I work so hard and still come in 2nd best? And at some point, you just feel like...life is meaningless.
And so we seek for the meaning to our lives. Some seek the help of religion, others seek solace in providing for their families. But for those like me, what do I have? Yes, I might be selfish and spoilt but I certainly do know that I am not entitled to anything I have in life. Its actually been a privilege having everything that I have till now. And that's why for now, my sole purpose should be to repay with gratitude and interest everything that they have given to me. Ti make them happy for the rest of their lives even if I might never be able to fulfill the one thing that would really make them happy. My happiness.
Isn't that a really funny concept. Finding happiness in other people's happiness. For all the jealousy and envy out there in the world, it is still possible to find happiness through someone else's joy. That is the beauty of having family.
Speaking of change, I came to SMU to change. To challenge myself to be more outgoing. In my own way, to be a better man. Well, I learnt a few things since then. You cannot really change your inherent self. You can improve on an aspect of yourself but you don't really change. An introvert will sadly always be an introvert.
I used to hate myself for being well, myself. I always wanted to be one of the popular ones, to fit in, to adapt well, to feel like I belong. Its probably a security problem. When I was in a group, I might be quiet but I always wanted to be the one everyone wants to talk to. Isn't it strange? For all the things my friends say I already have, its the things you don't have that you really really yearn for.
And throughout our lives, we yearn and yearn for the things we will never have. That car we will never get to own. That house we cannot afford to live in. The cash we cannot afford to burn. And if somehow by some twist of fate, out hard work and diligence pays off and we manage to get the things we once yearned for. Then what? We yearn for more things. Because humans (or maybe just me) are greedy. The wanting never stops and the cycle continues.
So what happens when I cannot get the things I want? I'll feel miserable. I'll ask Why? Why am I not better? Why am I not more capable? Why am I so lousy at what I do? Why must I work so hard and still come in 2nd best? And at some point, you just feel like...life is meaningless.
And so we seek for the meaning to our lives. Some seek the help of religion, others seek solace in providing for their families. But for those like me, what do I have? Yes, I might be selfish and spoilt but I certainly do know that I am not entitled to anything I have in life. Its actually been a privilege having everything that I have till now. And that's why for now, my sole purpose should be to repay with gratitude and interest everything that they have given to me. Ti make them happy for the rest of their lives even if I might never be able to fulfill the one thing that would really make them happy. My happiness.
Isn't that a really funny concept. Finding happiness in other people's happiness. For all the jealousy and envy out there in the world, it is still possible to find happiness through someone else's joy. That is the beauty of having family.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Completely random
Just random thoughts flying through my mind.
Why am I doing this to myself?
"You should smile more. Be Happy" - Dad
Watching You've got mail at 5 am in the morning feels kind of heartwarming. Is it because I am telling myself that love is not all misery?
Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks are great actors.
Nick Leeson might be an ass. But he did what he had to do. I wonder what went through his mind as he served his sentence out. How could he live with himself after all that he put everyone through? Is that the measure of a pompous ass or a person with great character.
As a Buddhist, you are born into a world of suffering. But you make the most of it by seeking out pockets of happiness for yourself. Every other religion says that life is a gift. Except buddhism.
I got pissed today. Really really pissed. Do I have a right to be? Who am I to get angry with somebody else?
I did something horrid today. How could I? Does it make sense that I really feel so much worse after that the person told me that she wasn't angry about it?
Why am I doing this to myself?
"You should smile more. Be Happy" - Dad
Watching You've got mail at 5 am in the morning feels kind of heartwarming. Is it because I am telling myself that love is not all misery?
Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks are great actors.
Nick Leeson might be an ass. But he did what he had to do. I wonder what went through his mind as he served his sentence out. How could he live with himself after all that he put everyone through? Is that the measure of a pompous ass or a person with great character.
As a Buddhist, you are born into a world of suffering. But you make the most of it by seeking out pockets of happiness for yourself. Every other religion says that life is a gift. Except buddhism.
I got pissed today. Really really pissed. Do I have a right to be? Who am I to get angry with somebody else?
I did something horrid today. How could I? Does it make sense that I really feel so much worse after that the person told me that she wasn't angry about it?
Thursday, February 18, 2010
New York, I Love You
The below average ratings did not stop me from downloading the movie to watch it. Yes, I would have gladly paid the $6.50 to watch it at Downtown East but it's limited release meant that I could only catch it at Cathay Cineleisure at 7.30pm. Now I have nothing against going down to Orchard for a movie. Just not alone. Especially when its a romance flick that I am catching. Which makes me wonder who I can ask to catch Hot Summer Days with...
Now then, the general criticism of this film was the many likes and dislikes that the film provided. I guess that this was to be expected. New York, I Love You is a feature length film actually stitched together from 11 short clips made by as many directors and couples. This meant that instead of liking or dislike only 1 film, You like and dislike moments from 11 films which will explain the multiple ups and downs. Contrast this to Love Actually when you only have 5 pairs of couples beautifully synchronised together through an intricate plot. In short, this film was doomed to be messy from the get go. The fact that it wasn't any messier is testimony to how great an editing job those guys did.
Obvious shortcomings aside, I particularly enjoyed this film. To me, it was like a breath of fresh air. Movies are always trying to create a resemblance of reality. This movie however actually seems closer to reality than reality itself. Thinking this way, I might even be detatched from reality. But thats the reality of it. From my perspective, I see chance occurances, random flirtings, fleeting moments of intimacy, awkward moments, dull acting, unexpected connections, hearwarming moments...etc. All if not most romantic flicks out there, what do they have in common? An actor and an actress who stick to each other throughout the movie. In life unfortunately, we might not even get a second chance to meet that same person again which makes the random occurances so interesting. And so while there are criticisms of bad acting even with a pretty star studded cast, I think it is a better reflection of reality than reality itself.
Now then, the general criticism of this film was the many likes and dislikes that the film provided. I guess that this was to be expected. New York, I Love You is a feature length film actually stitched together from 11 short clips made by as many directors and couples. This meant that instead of liking or dislike only 1 film, You like and dislike moments from 11 films which will explain the multiple ups and downs. Contrast this to Love Actually when you only have 5 pairs of couples beautifully synchronised together through an intricate plot. In short, this film was doomed to be messy from the get go. The fact that it wasn't any messier is testimony to how great an editing job those guys did.
Obvious shortcomings aside, I particularly enjoyed this film. To me, it was like a breath of fresh air. Movies are always trying to create a resemblance of reality. This movie however actually seems closer to reality than reality itself. Thinking this way, I might even be detatched from reality. But thats the reality of it. From my perspective, I see chance occurances, random flirtings, fleeting moments of intimacy, awkward moments, dull acting, unexpected connections, hearwarming moments...etc. All if not most romantic flicks out there, what do they have in common? An actor and an actress who stick to each other throughout the movie. In life unfortunately, we might not even get a second chance to meet that same person again which makes the random occurances so interesting. And so while there are criticisms of bad acting even with a pretty star studded cast, I think it is a better reflection of reality than reality itself.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Happy New Year!
Some people say that you really only get to see a person's true colours when they are either driving on the road or gambling. Well anyone wanting to test this theory out is in luck. On Chinese New Year, you get crazy drivers and gamblers galore.
The year of the Ox is finally behind us as we finally usher in the year of the Tiger. I'm sure that for some of you, the year of the Ox was an excellent one. For me, it was mixed at best. My best moments came from my Swedish Exchange and my worst came from my break up:)
I'd like to categorize my life into cycles of 12 years exactly like the Zodiac. While the first 12 years of my life was kind of hellish (at least the way I remembered it), the preceding 12 years was possibly the most fulfilling. I played badminton, got to know my best friends from school, managed to enter university and I am ready to graduate right about now. Straight from the factory line and onto the shelves. Wonder how the next 12 years of my life will be like. Will it be filled with the same sense of achievements and memorable moments like the preceding 12? I certainly hope so.
I started off the New Year on a sour note. I came to a realization ironically while driving that I am not happy. Yes I am unhappy. With myself, my life and my personality. It's been a problem for some time. I have as a result increasingly lost my self-control. While I was always temperamental, I am always able to keep myself in check. Now, I seem to take it out on the roads. Cursing at drivers who are driving on borderline 'rude' and engaging into arguments with people I usually wouldn't have bothered arguing with. Yes. These negative emotions are manifesting itself and slowly eating at me.
Whilst it's easy to blame say a breakup for these incidents, I must admit that it is simply not the case. I'll concede that my ego has taken a battering and that my self-confidence is increasingly becoming brittle. But these negativity comes from an isolated incident. It's like shattering a glass. The pieces remain broken on the floor as you sweep them up but it probably doesn't mask the fact that the absence of liquid implies that the glass could have been empty. I like to think (just like Stacy Orrico) that there must be more to life. However I am increasingly worried that I can never experience life the way it was meant to be experienced. I am afraid that I will never be happy.
The year of the Ox is finally behind us as we finally usher in the year of the Tiger. I'm sure that for some of you, the year of the Ox was an excellent one. For me, it was mixed at best. My best moments came from my Swedish Exchange and my worst came from my break up:)
I'd like to categorize my life into cycles of 12 years exactly like the Zodiac. While the first 12 years of my life was kind of hellish (at least the way I remembered it), the preceding 12 years was possibly the most fulfilling. I played badminton, got to know my best friends from school, managed to enter university and I am ready to graduate right about now. Straight from the factory line and onto the shelves. Wonder how the next 12 years of my life will be like. Will it be filled with the same sense of achievements and memorable moments like the preceding 12? I certainly hope so.
I started off the New Year on a sour note. I came to a realization ironically while driving that I am not happy. Yes I am unhappy. With myself, my life and my personality. It's been a problem for some time. I have as a result increasingly lost my self-control. While I was always temperamental, I am always able to keep myself in check. Now, I seem to take it out on the roads. Cursing at drivers who are driving on borderline 'rude' and engaging into arguments with people I usually wouldn't have bothered arguing with. Yes. These negative emotions are manifesting itself and slowly eating at me.
Whilst it's easy to blame say a breakup for these incidents, I must admit that it is simply not the case. I'll concede that my ego has taken a battering and that my self-confidence is increasingly becoming brittle. But these negativity comes from an isolated incident. It's like shattering a glass. The pieces remain broken on the floor as you sweep them up but it probably doesn't mask the fact that the absence of liquid implies that the glass could have been empty. I like to think (just like Stacy Orrico) that there must be more to life. However I am increasingly worried that I can never experience life the way it was meant to be experienced. I am afraid that I will never be happy.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Nowhere to go
There is always a slight tinge of anticipation in the atmosphere every time Chinese New Year comes about. Perhapes the 70% chinese population waiting for Cai Shen to descend upon our little island usually hits critical mass around this time. Or maybe its just the whole spirit of entrepreneurship in the air. Peddlers hawking weird decorations, new year goodies (which if they really are so good, should be consumed all year round anyway) and other 'essentials' symbols of luck and prosperity. Yes it all adds to the festive spirit.
I in the midst of all these preparations look forward to Chinese New Year primarily for the 3 day holiday afforded to us. But more often than not, I always find myself wanting. Every year, I'm always disappointed with how routine everything is. The traditional family portrait. The hong baos. The warm and increasingly forced smile as you greet long lost relatives and pretended that you actually gave a damn. If you did, you would have visited more often wouldn't you? On top of all that, you do it under the hot Singapore weather. I guess I really am lucky to be transported around in an air conditioned car because I have no idea how I'll cope otherwise.
But having said all that, the cruel-est and often hardest part of the 3 days is figuring out how to spend those evenings. While many friends gather at their relative's place as though its a big gambling den, I usually shun away from mine. While I really shouldn't be complaining, I don't have much to brag about either. My aunties play BlackJack or some other card games to pass the time. Their main focus is gossiping. I was never really a great winner or a gracious loser to begin with. And thus I dislike earning my relative's money and I really dislike losing mine. So BlackJack really isn't my kind of thing. Recently, most of my cousins in my age group have grown up and stopped going to these little 'therapy' sessions anyway making me feel really left out.
So what can you do for 3 chinese new year nights when all your friends have their own little 'gambling dens to go to? I don't know.
I in the midst of all these preparations look forward to Chinese New Year primarily for the 3 day holiday afforded to us. But more often than not, I always find myself wanting. Every year, I'm always disappointed with how routine everything is. The traditional family portrait. The hong baos. The warm and increasingly forced smile as you greet long lost relatives and pretended that you actually gave a damn. If you did, you would have visited more often wouldn't you? On top of all that, you do it under the hot Singapore weather. I guess I really am lucky to be transported around in an air conditioned car because I have no idea how I'll cope otherwise.
But having said all that, the cruel-est and often hardest part of the 3 days is figuring out how to spend those evenings. While many friends gather at their relative's place as though its a big gambling den, I usually shun away from mine. While I really shouldn't be complaining, I don't have much to brag about either. My aunties play BlackJack or some other card games to pass the time. Their main focus is gossiping. I was never really a great winner or a gracious loser to begin with. And thus I dislike earning my relative's money and I really dislike losing mine. So BlackJack really isn't my kind of thing. Recently, most of my cousins in my age group have grown up and stopped going to these little 'therapy' sessions anyway making me feel really left out.
So what can you do for 3 chinese new year nights when all your friends have their own little 'gambling dens to go to? I don't know.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
In Pursuit of Happiness
I was feeling depressed the past couple of days. And right on cue, my discussion with my coach gave me some things to ponder over.
My coach and I were discussing about the competitiveness of badminton in Singapore ocer lunch today. I was curious as to whether there was a difference in beginning badminton training from a young age of say 8 years old versus 13 years old. I argued that because the 8 year old barely has any 'feeling' or awareness of the game due to his undeveloped brain, it would be pointless to try teaching him anything. A 13 year old on the other hand has it going for him. Awareness of his surroundings, maturity to think, ability to reflect, learn, improve and on top of all that the physical strength to carry out training. My coach wouldnt disagree with my view. She pointed out that more often than not you have to literally 'beat' the technique into small kids through sheer repetition. The advantage of this however is that it becomes a part of them forever.
Unfortunately for kids, before they can think for themselves they are entirely reliant on their parents. And the moment they awake their self-awareness they start demanding. And for better or worse, demands causes suffering. Parents pushing their kids to training. Teenagers demanding training to improve. She shrugs. Living life itself is suffering. That's why we humans have to seek out the little things in life that makes us happy. I nearly dropped my spoon.
For the record, my coach is a christian. But the last sentence that came out of her mouth could have been from the buddha's mouth himself. Yes I am suffering. But I am not special. Everyone is suffering too. Everyone deals with it in different ways. Some turn to religion, others to suiside and there are still yet others who try to break out of it all (enlightenment).
I might never be happy. But suffering is proof of me living. And I'll try in my own feeble way to persue my own happiness even if the irony of it all is causing myself more suffering through my pursuit:)
My coach and I were discussing about the competitiveness of badminton in Singapore ocer lunch today. I was curious as to whether there was a difference in beginning badminton training from a young age of say 8 years old versus 13 years old. I argued that because the 8 year old barely has any 'feeling' or awareness of the game due to his undeveloped brain, it would be pointless to try teaching him anything. A 13 year old on the other hand has it going for him. Awareness of his surroundings, maturity to think, ability to reflect, learn, improve and on top of all that the physical strength to carry out training. My coach wouldnt disagree with my view. She pointed out that more often than not you have to literally 'beat' the technique into small kids through sheer repetition. The advantage of this however is that it becomes a part of them forever.
Unfortunately for kids, before they can think for themselves they are entirely reliant on their parents. And the moment they awake their self-awareness they start demanding. And for better or worse, demands causes suffering. Parents pushing their kids to training. Teenagers demanding training to improve. She shrugs. Living life itself is suffering. That's why we humans have to seek out the little things in life that makes us happy. I nearly dropped my spoon.
For the record, my coach is a christian. But the last sentence that came out of her mouth could have been from the buddha's mouth himself. Yes I am suffering. But I am not special. Everyone is suffering too. Everyone deals with it in different ways. Some turn to religion, others to suiside and there are still yet others who try to break out of it all (enlightenment).
I might never be happy. But suffering is proof of me living. And I'll try in my own feeble way to persue my own happiness even if the irony of it all is causing myself more suffering through my pursuit:)
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
The White Tiger
Excerpt from the back of the book. "Meet Balram Halwai. Servant, Philosopher, Entrepreneur, Murderer". Its fiction of course but is it funny if I confided that I wouldn't have been surprised had this been based on a true story?
I had an interesting conversation with my economics professor today about the state of the Hong Kong economy. He apparently went back to Hong Kong a few months ago and over a cup of coffee with an old friend heard about how the locals felt that their economy and way of life is 'de-proving". Using GDP per capita as a basis for comparison, he said that Singapore had already overtook Hong Kong. He then asked "Contrast Hong Kong, itself a completely Laissez-faire economy with Singapore. Would the different way of governance have caused this?"
Well to give you a fair idea of what is currently happening, Hong Kong has been voted the world free-est economy yet again for 16th time in a row. This means that there is almost zero government intervention in the way business is conducted in Hong Kong. Almost zero tariffs, government incentives, business development areas, managed currency floats...etc to name a few. Contrast this with Singapore (coincidentally voted the world's number 2 free-est economy). We levy taxes on cigarettes and alcohol, ban pornography, promote bio-engineering, regulate our banks like crazy, give incentives to startups, encourage foreign direct investments (look at F1, the IRs)...etc you get the idea. In short, The Hong Kong legislation doesn't take care of its people while the People's Action Party takes too much care of itssubjects citizens.
So what happens when you realize from an early age that you have to fight for yourself? Simple. The law of the jungle suddenly applies. Survivial of the fittest. And boy are the dudes from Hong Kong survivors. While we debate the logic and prejudice of streaming our kids at such a young age (Primary 4), the Hong Kong kids get streamed at the kindergaten level. While we complain that its really tough to get a job, the people from Hong Kong have it 3 times worse. We go through 1 job interview to get the position. The same job in Hong Kong (same company) requires thrice as many interviews. And while the people from Hong Kong are survivors, what makes us Singaporeans?
So back to the question. Our GDP per capita is higher meaning we are 'richer' than our Hong Kong counterparts. I believe the point the professor was trying to bring across is that government intervention is not always good especially when it comes to business decisions. Look at Singapore he says. Good governnance but lacking in 'hungry' people. Look at Hong Kong, full of businessmen but lacking governance.
I believe though that the true question lies in sustainability. Good governance doesnt last forever. But hunger breeds an entire generation of people capable of leading everyone else forward. Our present government came from a hungry generation. A white tiger emerged from the jungle that was filled with communism, protests, riots and civil unrest. His name was Mr Lee Kwan Yew. Our next generation of leaders would come from our generation. A generation that already has it all. Would we then be able to stand up tall and proud and proclaim to the world that we are a model for the rest of the world to follow?
I had an interesting conversation with my economics professor today about the state of the Hong Kong economy. He apparently went back to Hong Kong a few months ago and over a cup of coffee with an old friend heard about how the locals felt that their economy and way of life is 'de-proving". Using GDP per capita as a basis for comparison, he said that Singapore had already overtook Hong Kong. He then asked "Contrast Hong Kong, itself a completely Laissez-faire economy with Singapore. Would the different way of governance have caused this?"
Well to give you a fair idea of what is currently happening, Hong Kong has been voted the world free-est economy yet again for 16th time in a row. This means that there is almost zero government intervention in the way business is conducted in Hong Kong. Almost zero tariffs, government incentives, business development areas, managed currency floats...etc to name a few. Contrast this with Singapore (coincidentally voted the world's number 2 free-est economy). We levy taxes on cigarettes and alcohol, ban pornography, promote bio-engineering, regulate our banks like crazy, give incentives to startups, encourage foreign direct investments (look at F1, the IRs)...etc you get the idea. In short, The Hong Kong legislation doesn't take care of its people while the People's Action Party takes too much care of its
So what happens when you realize from an early age that you have to fight for yourself? Simple. The law of the jungle suddenly applies. Survivial of the fittest. And boy are the dudes from Hong Kong survivors. While we debate the logic and prejudice of streaming our kids at such a young age (Primary 4), the Hong Kong kids get streamed at the kindergaten level. While we complain that its really tough to get a job, the people from Hong Kong have it 3 times worse. We go through 1 job interview to get the position. The same job in Hong Kong (same company) requires thrice as many interviews. And while the people from Hong Kong are survivors, what makes us Singaporeans?
So back to the question. Our GDP per capita is higher meaning we are 'richer' than our Hong Kong counterparts. I believe the point the professor was trying to bring across is that government intervention is not always good especially when it comes to business decisions. Look at Singapore he says. Good governnance but lacking in 'hungry' people. Look at Hong Kong, full of businessmen but lacking governance.
I believe though that the true question lies in sustainability. Good governance doesnt last forever. But hunger breeds an entire generation of people capable of leading everyone else forward. Our present government came from a hungry generation. A white tiger emerged from the jungle that was filled with communism, protests, riots and civil unrest. His name was Mr Lee Kwan Yew. Our next generation of leaders would come from our generation. A generation that already has it all. Would we then be able to stand up tall and proud and proclaim to the world that we are a model for the rest of the world to follow?
Friday, January 15, 2010
Man you need to learn Finance
Today's finance section of the ST is particularly interesting. Just as I had asked everyone to rethink their investment in Man U, the article describes the low takeup rate of Man U bonds. Their agents have even admitted that the response so far has been lukewarm at best. I mean think about it. These are bonds in 100,000 GBP denominations. That means that to raise 500 million GBP, they would have to sucker 500 people around the world. Sounds easy eh? Well have no fear because all agents carry with them the almighty PROSPECTUS!
Traditionally a prospectus like the name suggest presents to you, the potential angel a prospective investment opportunity. A traditional prospectus (like 99.99% of all prospectus out there) is coated with sugar, spice and everything nice. No one writes A SINGLE BAD THING about their investment opportunity. If there is a problem with the investment, its ommited from the prospectus. Simple. Just ask any Ah Long or Loan Shark. Have they ever told their victims the perils of non-repayment of debts? Of course not! Ah Longs on the contrary encourage their victims to borrow money more money! So, naturally its like a market for lemons. Investors will place a discount on all good things they hear about the investment and place a premium on all bad things. And man are there bad things littered about in the prospectus.
1. Alex Ferguson retiring soon?
2. Pretax loss without sale of Ronaldo (one time event)?
3. 40 mil pounds of interest?
4. 200 mil pounds of PIK (Payment in kind) debt which will grow to 500 mil by 2017?
5. Performance of bonds dependant on 1st team (pretty damn erractic these days)
Check check check and check! Its a minefield and those guys from Man U know it. It's so bad, the single line promising 10% yield to maturity seems squalid. I'd rather put my money in POSB which pays me a paltry 0.0000025%. You know its so bad, they didn't even get a credit rating agency to rate their bonds! I mean there are some things that you do even if you burn for it. Telling your wife your mistress is pregnant with your kid is one. Getting a credit rating agency to rate your bonds is the other. Hell, even General Motors, the company who was (is?) bleeding cash got their bonds rated. Hell, even a Kindergarten kid knows that an F is better than Ungraded.
And whats worse? While the whole wide world makes Owen a laughing stock thanks to his summer brochure, Man U decides that such publicity is actually good for the club. So good in fact that they not only signed him immediately, they even modelled their prospectus after Owen's brochure! Within the 300 or so pages of the prospectus lies the horrors of Owen and Co in glossy pictures flashing their pearly whites at you. Mocking you for even looking at them from a prospectus and not a life sized poster.
Now, to all Man U fans out there. If you have read these 2 posts, do know that I have nothing against Man U. I respect Alex Ferguson almost as much as I respect Arsene Wenger. But this is just ridiculous. Man U, proclaimed biggest club in the world. Richest club in the UK...reduced to this? Its like making Lee Kwan Yew beg the UK for financial assistance (PAP, please pardon my analogy).
So what have they tried doing about it? Ahh. Carrington training grounds. The freehold piece of property that honed the skills of many young potential superstars. Well its gone. Or will be soon if the Glazers have their way. It will be sold to the Glazers only to be leased back to the club. Aww such nice owners. Why can't they just simply give the club a much needed capital injection? Why take 20 mil GBP away from the club in terms of 'management fees'? Why structure the transaction in such a way? Oh I get it, if the club goes bankrupt, you will at least still own Carrington which you can resell. Nice:) See, even Mr Abramovic over at Chelsea was nice enough to 'convert' his hundreds of millions of loans to the club into equity. The way I see it, the loans have been written off. No way do Chelsea have the capacity to repay the hundreds of millions they own him (w/o interest) from their own coffers.
So finally, to quote Dennis Foo, lifelong Man U fan "You support the club with your heart but you make investment decisions with your head". Well said. But to all Man U fans out there. When you use your head to think about it, Man U might not be around in the next decade...No club like no company is ever too big to fail. One big failure like Man U is probably what the world needs now to maintain the sanity in soccer. Do I feel sad? Not at all. I feel bad for the plight Liverpool is in. They are a great club. But Man U? Well...maybe after they learn some finance.
Traditionally a prospectus like the name suggest presents to you, the potential angel a prospective investment opportunity. A traditional prospectus (like 99.99% of all prospectus out there) is coated with sugar, spice and everything nice. No one writes A SINGLE BAD THING about their investment opportunity. If there is a problem with the investment, its ommited from the prospectus. Simple. Just ask any Ah Long or Loan Shark. Have they ever told their victims the perils of non-repayment of debts? Of course not! Ah Longs on the contrary encourage their victims to borrow money more money! So, naturally its like a market for lemons. Investors will place a discount on all good things they hear about the investment and place a premium on all bad things. And man are there bad things littered about in the prospectus.
1. Alex Ferguson retiring soon?
2. Pretax loss without sale of Ronaldo (one time event)?
3. 40 mil pounds of interest?
4. 200 mil pounds of PIK (Payment in kind) debt which will grow to 500 mil by 2017?
5. Performance of bonds dependant on 1st team (pretty damn erractic these days)
Check check check and check! Its a minefield and those guys from Man U know it. It's so bad, the single line promising 10% yield to maturity seems squalid. I'd rather put my money in POSB which pays me a paltry 0.0000025%. You know its so bad, they didn't even get a credit rating agency to rate their bonds! I mean there are some things that you do even if you burn for it. Telling your wife your mistress is pregnant with your kid is one. Getting a credit rating agency to rate your bonds is the other. Hell, even General Motors, the company who was (is?) bleeding cash got their bonds rated. Hell, even a Kindergarten kid knows that an F is better than Ungraded.
And whats worse? While the whole wide world makes Owen a laughing stock thanks to his summer brochure, Man U decides that such publicity is actually good for the club. So good in fact that they not only signed him immediately, they even modelled their prospectus after Owen's brochure! Within the 300 or so pages of the prospectus lies the horrors of Owen and Co in glossy pictures flashing their pearly whites at you. Mocking you for even looking at them from a prospectus and not a life sized poster.
Now, to all Man U fans out there. If you have read these 2 posts, do know that I have nothing against Man U. I respect Alex Ferguson almost as much as I respect Arsene Wenger. But this is just ridiculous. Man U, proclaimed biggest club in the world. Richest club in the UK...reduced to this? Its like making Lee Kwan Yew beg the UK for financial assistance (PAP, please pardon my analogy).
So what have they tried doing about it? Ahh. Carrington training grounds. The freehold piece of property that honed the skills of many young potential superstars. Well its gone. Or will be soon if the Glazers have their way. It will be sold to the Glazers only to be leased back to the club. Aww such nice owners. Why can't they just simply give the club a much needed capital injection? Why take 20 mil GBP away from the club in terms of 'management fees'? Why structure the transaction in such a way? Oh I get it, if the club goes bankrupt, you will at least still own Carrington which you can resell. Nice:) See, even Mr Abramovic over at Chelsea was nice enough to 'convert' his hundreds of millions of loans to the club into equity. The way I see it, the loans have been written off. No way do Chelsea have the capacity to repay the hundreds of millions they own him (w/o interest) from their own coffers.
So finally, to quote Dennis Foo, lifelong Man U fan "You support the club with your heart but you make investment decisions with your head". Well said. But to all Man U fans out there. When you use your head to think about it, Man U might not be around in the next decade...No club like no company is ever too big to fail. One big failure like Man U is probably what the world needs now to maintain the sanity in soccer. Do I feel sad? Not at all. I feel bad for the plight Liverpool is in. They are a great club. But Man U? Well...maybe after they learn some finance.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Finance vs Football
It has been a most interesting week in soccer. Perhaps, maybe interesting is an understatement. Over the weekend, we have seen soccer matches cancelled due to the frigid cold weather, Togo-nese players gunned down by militants (counterstrike style) and just when you thought nothing could beat that, reports of the Glazer family surface indicating the possibility of issuing 500 billion pounds worth of bonds to re-finance Man U's debt.
Every year, observers speculate which soccer league is the best, the most ompetitive or the most attractive. The British Premier League BPL has for quite a while held on to this glamorous position in my opinion. But for the wrong (right?) reasons. The BPL has always been at the forefront of financing. They were possibly amongst the first in Europe to float their clubs in the market to raise transfer funds for their managers. When that wasn't enough, they borrowed against future unearned income in the form of ticket revenues. And when that again wasn't enough they borrowed against future unearned prize monies (cough cough Leeds United). Now, when all that failed, they were the true masterminds of the complete takeover. First Chelsea with Moneybags Abramovic. Then Liverpool, West Ham, Man U, Man City (why not sell the while City of Manchester as well?), Aston Villa, Newcastle, Birmingham and most recently Portsmouth. Nevermind that the rest of Europe is simply just staring in awe at the financial evolution of BPL clubs. And just when you thought the BPL has had enough, in comes "creative" financing. Through the use of bonds, the Glazer family hopes to reduce some of their interest obligations. Hell, just today, the ST reported that "we can now own a piece of Man U" through these bond issues (yes surprise surprise they are targeting the Asian community!).
Ah hell. Here is whats has happened. The Glazer family has inputted virtually $0 in the takeover of Man U. They have in fact put up the entire club as collateral to borrow the necessary amount to buy over the club. In Finance, this is called a Leveraged Buyout (something that is still somewhat an uncommon term in soccer). Its like buying a house. You take a big ass loan from the bank to buy a house. You own it. But in return you offer the house as collateral to the bank. Thats essentially Man U right there now. Think about it for a moment. Man U has made a pretax profit of over $40 mil GBP after the sale of Ronaldo their super asset or a pretax loss of $40 mil GBP before the sale of Ronaldo. Their interest payments amount to $41 mil pounds. So essentially, Man U is barely breaking even from their day to day operations of the club excluding transfers. So, given that Giggs, Scholes, Berbatov...etc is going on the wrong side of 30. Man U might still need some investment to "upkeep" their title challenging squad. The man holding the fort is also at the wrong side of 60 and nearing retirement. It is a BIG ASS question mark as to whether his future successor can even be half as successful as he is let alone handle the whole club.
Now given all that, would you even consider buying Man U's bonds? Think about it.
Every year, observers speculate which soccer league is the best, the most ompetitive or the most attractive. The British Premier League BPL has for quite a while held on to this glamorous position in my opinion. But for the wrong (right?) reasons. The BPL has always been at the forefront of financing. They were possibly amongst the first in Europe to float their clubs in the market to raise transfer funds for their managers. When that wasn't enough, they borrowed against future unearned income in the form of ticket revenues. And when that again wasn't enough they borrowed against future unearned prize monies (cough cough Leeds United). Now, when all that failed, they were the true masterminds of the complete takeover. First Chelsea with Moneybags Abramovic. Then Liverpool, West Ham, Man U, Man City (why not sell the while City of Manchester as well?), Aston Villa, Newcastle, Birmingham and most recently Portsmouth. Nevermind that the rest of Europe is simply just staring in awe at the financial evolution of BPL clubs. And just when you thought the BPL has had enough, in comes "creative" financing. Through the use of bonds, the Glazer family hopes to reduce some of their interest obligations. Hell, just today, the ST reported that "we can now own a piece of Man U" through these bond issues (yes surprise surprise they are targeting the Asian community!).
Ah hell. Here is whats has happened. The Glazer family has inputted virtually $0 in the takeover of Man U. They have in fact put up the entire club as collateral to borrow the necessary amount to buy over the club. In Finance, this is called a Leveraged Buyout (something that is still somewhat an uncommon term in soccer). Its like buying a house. You take a big ass loan from the bank to buy a house. You own it. But in return you offer the house as collateral to the bank. Thats essentially Man U right there now. Think about it for a moment. Man U has made a pretax profit of over $40 mil GBP after the sale of Ronaldo their super asset or a pretax loss of $40 mil GBP before the sale of Ronaldo. Their interest payments amount to $41 mil pounds. So essentially, Man U is barely breaking even from their day to day operations of the club excluding transfers. So, given that Giggs, Scholes, Berbatov...etc is going on the wrong side of 30. Man U might still need some investment to "upkeep" their title challenging squad. The man holding the fort is also at the wrong side of 60 and nearing retirement. It is a BIG ASS question mark as to whether his future successor can even be half as successful as he is let alone handle the whole club.
Now given all that, would you even consider buying Man U's bonds? Think about it.
Tuesday, January 05, 2010
Nights in Rodanthe
I have always admired Nicholas Sparks for his uncanny ability to breathe so much life and emotion into his novels. Nights in Rodanthe is just another one of the many outstanding novels he has published over the years. He has a way of turning fictional romance into something you can imagine happening to yourself. You seem to feel the characters emotions as they tell you their story. Feel their loss, their sadness and their pain. You react to their actions as though you were reading your own best friend's love story. You cringe at the awkward moments just before the love confession, rejoice as they embrace each other for the first time, smile when they find love and hurt when they lose it.
I call it the extremely believeable dream. I can appreciate why girls read romance novels, curse their boyfriends for being insensitive and always question whether what they have is truely love. Because reality hits hard. Love is not so easily defined. Love is harder still to find. Love is hardest to manage. But through it all, we find solace in novels that makes a believer in all of us. But maybe thats what we all need in our lives. Nights in Rodanthe. A glimmer of hope that maybe somewhere out there, we will eventually find what we all deserve - true happiness even if for a fleeting moment.
I call it the extremely believeable dream. I can appreciate why girls read romance novels, curse their boyfriends for being insensitive and always question whether what they have is truely love. Because reality hits hard. Love is not so easily defined. Love is harder still to find. Love is hardest to manage. But through it all, we find solace in novels that makes a believer in all of us. But maybe thats what we all need in our lives. Nights in Rodanthe. A glimmer of hope that maybe somewhere out there, we will eventually find what we all deserve - true happiness even if for a fleeting moment.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Mastercard
Price of turkey dinner complete with pork roulette, Swedish glögg, cheese sausages and Desert Wine: $180
Price of spending a quiet christmas eve together with your family: Priceless
There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard.
Price of spending a quiet christmas eve together with your family: Priceless
There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's MasterCard.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Freakonomics
I'll begin wandering on a journey for knowledge and for personal self development. But I'm not aimless. Quoted from Mona Lisa Smile "Not all who wander are aimless". Starting with Freaknonomics. I'll rekindle my passion for reading and learning. Allowing both fiction and non-fiction materials that comprises bits and pieces of knowledge that will in time define, me.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
We all need a little sunshine in our lives
Thats right. While the darkness is overbearing and overwhelming, a sliver of light can chase it all away. Thats all it takes. And thats why we all need a little sunshine in our lives. A glimmer of hope. Because at the end of the day, thats all we might be living for.
Its 530 again
Today marks the 8th straight day that I'm still awake at 5 30am. No its not that I just woke up. On the contrary. I can't sleep. I'm probably not strong enough? What do I want to do? What should I do? Why must I be logical and illogical?
The Facade
How do they do it with such ease. If it hurts so much for me. Shouldn't it hurt as much for the other party? Oh I forgot. They had time to think about it. They had mental preparations. They wanted this. I didn't.
My sister asked me. How come you look so happy? Even my friends think I look happy. Am I? What if deep down inside I'm dying. Dying a little more everyday. What if creating a facade is all that I have left. All that I can do?
The old adage probably holds true: What fails to kill you makes you stronger. Does it? I hope it does. Right now I don't know what kind of person I will become after this. Probably a washed-up useless bum.
And thats the irony. I'm this way because I took things for granted. In short, I fucked up. And I'll continue being fucked - even after this. Like a downward spiral. Its like I'm falling into a deep abyss. I don't know how deep it is.
Nothing seems to help. The crazy late night iced teas. Talking with friends. Listening to their troubles. Even though you realize your not special. Not unique. It still hits pretty hard.
But really, what hurts the most is how well the other party is coping. Even if its a facade, its a pretty good one. It makes them seem so big and strong. And you in comparison are pathetic and weak. And you realize your being left behind.
All alone. Its like chasing a shadow. They might look back and see how far behind you are, struggling to keep up. And then one day altogether when they have moved on, they won't even look back. Where would you be then?
In the arms of another? Beginning afresh? Or completely washed up. Sure, the choice is mine to make but what happens now? How do I learn to get back on my 2 little feet again?
Its when your on the ground that you really look up at the sky and think. What caused me to stumble and fall. I'm like the little boy who rode the bicycle for the first time, succeeded for the first time before tumbling over.
And he thinks. What happened? I thought I was doing well. The little boy probably didn't see the little bits of screws slowly ruining the bike which ultimately led him to his fall.
So what does the little boy do? Screw the pieces back together? Get a new bike. These can be done in time. Harder to do is to convince the crying boy that he can still ride a bike successfully.
And when the boy finally picks himself up and begins anew. Is he still the same boy who entrusted the bike with his safety? Or will he only rely on himself. Time heals all wounds. But is there a distinction between physical and emotional ones?
And so, what happens now? I don't know. Hide behind a facade. Pretend everyday is a chance for a fresh beginning. I'm still losing abit of myself everyday. I'm not...me anymore. I'm just a facade. A fragment of my imagination. A created reality.
My sister asked me. How come you look so happy? Even my friends think I look happy. Am I? What if deep down inside I'm dying. Dying a little more everyday. What if creating a facade is all that I have left. All that I can do?
The old adage probably holds true: What fails to kill you makes you stronger. Does it? I hope it does. Right now I don't know what kind of person I will become after this. Probably a washed-up useless bum.
And thats the irony. I'm this way because I took things for granted. In short, I fucked up. And I'll continue being fucked - even after this. Like a downward spiral. Its like I'm falling into a deep abyss. I don't know how deep it is.
Nothing seems to help. The crazy late night iced teas. Talking with friends. Listening to their troubles. Even though you realize your not special. Not unique. It still hits pretty hard.
But really, what hurts the most is how well the other party is coping. Even if its a facade, its a pretty good one. It makes them seem so big and strong. And you in comparison are pathetic and weak. And you realize your being left behind.
All alone. Its like chasing a shadow. They might look back and see how far behind you are, struggling to keep up. And then one day altogether when they have moved on, they won't even look back. Where would you be then?
In the arms of another? Beginning afresh? Or completely washed up. Sure, the choice is mine to make but what happens now? How do I learn to get back on my 2 little feet again?
Its when your on the ground that you really look up at the sky and think. What caused me to stumble and fall. I'm like the little boy who rode the bicycle for the first time, succeeded for the first time before tumbling over.
And he thinks. What happened? I thought I was doing well. The little boy probably didn't see the little bits of screws slowly ruining the bike which ultimately led him to his fall.
So what does the little boy do? Screw the pieces back together? Get a new bike. These can be done in time. Harder to do is to convince the crying boy that he can still ride a bike successfully.
And when the boy finally picks himself up and begins anew. Is he still the same boy who entrusted the bike with his safety? Or will he only rely on himself. Time heals all wounds. But is there a distinction between physical and emotional ones?
And so, what happens now? I don't know. Hide behind a facade. Pretend everyday is a chance for a fresh beginning. I'm still losing abit of myself everyday. I'm not...me anymore. I'm just a facade. A fragment of my imagination. A created reality.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
It comes together
I received an email from one of my professors today asking me to call him urgently. I was surprised. What was it that I could have done that this time? As far as I know, I've always kept a low profile in class.
Well the issue was regarding the comments I gave in my course feedback. I specifically said that the prof twisted 'our' words in class. And that caused problems for him and he says it is tantamount to him lying. I was shocked. I didn't mean it that way when I wrote it. I explained that this feedback came because he was too nice. He never told a student off when his approach to a question was wrong. He never reproached a student for a wrong view. He always made it sound like the student was correct...in a way. But then that simply confuses students. So which is the right view we think. And hence that was the gist of my comment, nicely summarized into 1 sentence. I should have elaborated on what this means but there is always a word limit to these comment boxes.
Learning points:
1. Tact: Make sure what you say doesn't get implied the wrong way. Say what you have to say, in a nice way.
2. Awareness: What I say affects the prof's evaluations too. I should tone it down a notch. Though I'm also out to 'help' the prof's improve their course, I shouldn't be giving feedback that damages their reputation.
3. Remain anonymous: I'm stubborn. I usually show my name on course evaluations. If I dare to provide feedback, the person has the right to know who gave it. I get feedback from my prof, I have the right to know the reason for his evaluations too.
Maybe I am wrong.
Well the issue was regarding the comments I gave in my course feedback. I specifically said that the prof twisted 'our' words in class. And that caused problems for him and he says it is tantamount to him lying. I was shocked. I didn't mean it that way when I wrote it. I explained that this feedback came because he was too nice. He never told a student off when his approach to a question was wrong. He never reproached a student for a wrong view. He always made it sound like the student was correct...in a way. But then that simply confuses students. So which is the right view we think. And hence that was the gist of my comment, nicely summarized into 1 sentence. I should have elaborated on what this means but there is always a word limit to these comment boxes.
Learning points:
1. Tact: Make sure what you say doesn't get implied the wrong way. Say what you have to say, in a nice way.
2. Awareness: What I say affects the prof's evaluations too. I should tone it down a notch. Though I'm also out to 'help' the prof's improve their course, I shouldn't be giving feedback that damages their reputation.
3. Remain anonymous: I'm stubborn. I usually show my name on course evaluations. If I dare to provide feedback, the person has the right to know who gave it. I get feedback from my prof, I have the right to know the reason for his evaluations too.
Maybe I am wrong.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Have you ever...
1. Felt like everything you worked for over the past few years went up in smoke?
2. Allowed yourself to fall in love?
3. Had trouble sleeping?
4. Felt empty and devoid of life?
2. Allowed yourself to fall in love?
3. Had trouble sleeping?
4. Felt empty and devoid of life?
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